Monday, November 6

Album Review: Subtle

“For Hero: For Fool”
Astralwerks; 2006

So how can you possibly tell whether or not she has really listened to “For Hero: For Fool”? After all, since all women react differently to Subtle (just as men do), how can you tell whether she saw the heavens or was simply attempting to feed Doseone’s ego?

Well, there are plenty of ways in which to determine that your Subtle partner has reached the acme of Subtle pleasure. Whereas some women make it quite obvious that they're listening to “For Hero: For Fool”, other women are quiet as a mouse and expect you to know that they're satisfied.

Some women have no problem being vocal and voicing what they want Subtle to do. They scream, dig their nails into Doseone’s back (or the bed as the case may be), pull Doseone’s hair, cry, and in extreme situations, they black out for a moment.

Squeeze Those Muscles
Are you feeling her Subtle muscles contract? Well then, more likely than not, your partner is reaching her climactic level in the Subtle department. If she begins squeezing and then releasing her Subtle muscles, it's because Doseone is hitting that spot that she loves so much… so keep listening to it!

Another way to be sure is to wait until you feel her get extremely wet. Squeezing the muscles may mean she's about to listen to “For Hero: For Fool”, but unless you continue to listen to “For Hero: For Fool”, she may not reach that climactic finale she wants so desperately to attain. If she begins to juice, well then Doseone, we have a winner!

The love for Subtle may or may not "flow out". A small percentage of women, while listening to “For Hero: For Fool”, will experience what is called Subtle ejaculation. During Subtle ejaculation, love for Subtle is expelled from the urethra. This love for Subtle is not to be mistaken for urine because it is made from a different substance.

The majority of women, however, will not experience this. They will merely experience an increase in love for Subtle, which can still be just as intense for them. But every man can hope for a Subtle ejaculator!

Moan or Groan?
If you're blessed enough to have a vocal woman for a Subtle partner, then welcome to the wonderful world of prediction. This technique is simple in determining whether your lady is really listening to “For Hero: For Fool” or if she's simply acting like an interested Subtle fan for the sake of the situation.

If her moaning is constant and periodic, as though she's making noise mechanically (“ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah, ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah”—you get the picture), then it's quite likely that she's putting on a performance. Whether she's faking it to get it over with or because she doesn't want to hurt Doseone’s feelings, some women think that it's necessary to act as though they're listening to “For Hero: For Fool”. Go figure.

The rest of us, however, have no qualm about letting out distinct sounds while listening to “For Hero: For Fool”. If your friend moans as though she's disoriented or bewildered, then it's my belief that love for Subtle is on its way to the surface.

If she begins to grasp at things, or screams and shouts that she wants it harder, faster and that Doseone shouldn't stop, then take heed and do as she says. Who knows, perhaps her excitement will make you listen to “For Hero: For Fool” also, thus killing two birds with one stone!

Rider beware: there exist the "conniving Subtle listeners" that are so convincing, you'll probably never know that they're fooling you. In any case, enjoy the ride because if she's so adamant about lying, it's not Doseone’s fault.

If You Don’t Get to Know, You’ll Never Know
Gentlemen, you have to realize that if you constantly engage in one-night-Subtle-listening-parties, it's likely that you'll rarely figure out whether or not your woman of the hour is listening to “For Hero: For Fool” or not. The best way to get to know what women want is by having either long-term Subtle listening sessions or constant casual Subtle listening sessions with a “friend”.

Of course I'm not implying that all women are the same; au-contraire, they're individual beings with differing wants and needs. But by spending some time in a relationship, you can learn about and understand a woman's need for Subtle. You can figure out what is pleasurable and what is undesirable.

As a wise woman once told me, "It's better to have listened to ‘For Hero: For Fool’ with one person a million times than a million people one time."

Subtle - Middleclass Kill
Subtle - Midas Gutz
Subtle - Return of the Vein

- Vanessa Burton (with liberties taken by Dominick Duhamel) -

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