Column: Ramble On: The Greatest Rock Band Ever & My Opinions

The argument over what band takes the title of greatest rock band ever is one I have had on many different occasions. These arguments mostly end in a bloody mess of swollen fists and fat lips between the Zeppelin fans, the Beatles Fans, and the ACDC fans. I would like to tell you right away, so you aren’t left wondering which one of those fans I am, who I favor. I wouldn’t be writing an article such as this if I were an ACDC fan. Personally, I don’t care for the style of rock where every song sounds the same. I give them credit for writing one good song, but then failing to write anything different is what disqualifies them from any musical race. Come to think of it, I was given an ACDC album, as a present, a few years back. It sits on my shelf collecting dust, and I wouldn’t dare let it join my diverse collection of good music I have on my iTunes playlist, sorry Angus. Now, the Beatles, they are a favorite of mine because, well, they are amazing. They are one of the few great arrangements of musicians and songwriters ever to come together and record music. I could write a separate article just on them but that will be for another day. As much as I take pleasure in listening to the Beatles they were not the greatest rock band ever. I mean, yeah it is considered rock music today, but it is really more pop music then anything. So there for in my opinion they are not eligible for this title. So that only leaves one left, oh yeah that’s right, Led-fucking-Zeppelin. Only Led Zeppelin deserves to have an infix used while saying their name.

I had to put a Zeppelin record on while writing this article to get me fully in the mood. Led Zeppelin is the only band that I could listen to, and never get bored of. I like to keep things short and sweet, mostly because I am a terrible writer, and I don’t want to bore anyone to death. John Paul Johns as quiet as he was, and as simple as his bass was at times is one of the most underrated bass players. The reason why is because I don’t see many bass players that could play organ and mandolin and actually make it interesting. He is a very talented musician, and created much of the background sounds found in Zeppelins songs. As for John Bonham, that man could hit a drum like no other, and he could work the bass drum so well doing double and triple beats. He, along with Keith Moon is my all time favorite drummer. Listen to any Zeppelin song, even the slow ones, and his drumming just explodes with such power. Jimmy Page is the greatest guitarist living, and I say living because Jimi Hendrix would definitely be number one if he were still alive. Anyone that says Clapton is the greatest is out of his or her fucking mind. That guy plays so slow it bores the shit out of me. That neck beard also creeps me out. Enough of Clapton, he doesn’t deserve all this talk. Page was one of the most inventive guitarists of his time, and no one can match that kind of skill. He used awkward tuning, a bow to solo, he wrote riffs that actually rock, unique chords, and by far the most thought out solos with out sounding like a show off. Not to mention he had two cool dragon jump suits with sparkly shit on it. That man does not know the word fear. The last, and final member of this super group, and I don’t mean Damnocracy for all you VH1 fans, is Robert Plant. His voice made Led Zeppelin so different then any other band of that time. It was blues, it was rock, and it was Plant. He could wail like no other, and he went so high it hurts. The dynamics of his voice was beyond human capabilities.

I know this article was kind of a bunch of blah blah bullshit about how I like Led Zeppelin, but come on. I am going to get lame here when I say this, they are great, but you’re going to have to live with it. I don’t think any band has ever come close to matching the significance of Zeppelin, nor has anyone really tried. The only band I would consider a good candidate as a band that really has that Zeppelin feeling is The Black Crowes. I don’t mean they sound like them but they have the same emotion. If any one disagrees with me on any of this, please comment. I know so many people like Zeppelin, me included, but maybe 80% of those people are just trying to be cool by saying they like Zeppelin. The other 20% really understand why they like them; they appreciate the magic that Zeppelin created. I also know that a lot of people say that Zeppelin is overrated. Well, I don’t take that kindly to those who speak badly about the Zeppelin. I don’t want anything to do with them. Wait, I have just received word that my editor thinks they are overrated. Damn, this article probably won’t make it up. Well, it doesn’t matter because it isn’t that good, considering I just ramble on about Led Zeppelin.

- Ryan Cox -

Tags: Led Zeppelin, Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, mp3